5 most relatable neurodivergent love languages explained

The phrase ‘love language’ became part of everyday lexicon with Dr Gary Chapman’s work.

But the phrase is equally relevant to the neurodivergent world as well.

And this became especially known when a tweet put out by @neurowonderful on Twitter/ X went quite viral. 

Neurodivergents - because of being wired differently - have their own unique ways to demonstrate love and affection towards their friends, family and significant others. 

While a lot of these will seem quite similar to the original love languages - words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gift giving - the neurodivergent version adds its own, well, unique touch to it! 

To the uninitiated, neurodivergent love languages might go completely unseen and unappreciated, or, worse, come across as weird.

Which is one of the reasons why neurodivergent folx are often grossly misunderstood.

But first, a quick heads up: it goes unsaid that neurodivergent traits and behaviours - much like neurotypical traits & behaviours - cannot be clubbed together under one umbrella.

And so all of these things might not apply to everyone who identifies as neurodivergent.

If something on this list doesn't resonate with you, fair enough. Go on and let us know in the comments what your love language is!

• Infodumping

Speaking at length and in detail about a very specific interest or passion.  

Why neurodivergents do this: Neurodivergent people infodump about a topic that they deeply care about or have been hyperfocusing on to share the feelings of joy it evokes in them.

Unfortunately, not everyone understands this, and a lot of neurodivergents have said they think neurotypicals mistake this as bragging or just find it plain boring or weird. 

What you can do if you’re in a position where a neurodivergent person is infodumping: Recognise that they don’t mean any harm or want to one-up you with their knowledge. Take genuine interest in what they’re saying and show it. And if it’s a bad time, tell them politely you want to know more and will chat to them later about it. 

• Parallel play

This is also commonly known as body doubling. In simple terms, it means occupying the same physical - or digital - space while doing your own thing. 

Why neurodivergents do this: While a lot of us enjoy alone time, sometimes we crave company too. But not necessarily someone to do things with as opposed to someone just being around and doing their thing while we’re doing ours.

Having others around you fosters a sense of gentle accountability that draws you into your work and helps you avoid distractions. 

People with ADHD often struggle with low dopamine levels, impacting their executive functioning, especially when it comes to mundane tasks like cleaning a room or doing the dishes.

As a coping strategy, many individuals with ADHD call a friend to keep them company while performing these tasks, a practice known as body doubling.

What you can do if a neurodivergent person invites you to parallel play: Recognise that it's not ‘hanging out’ in the sense of sitting around and chatting, although that might happen in between. Rather, if you've always wanted to have some time off to do a thing you like, this is the perfect opportunity to do it while having someone around.

• Support swapping

This one’s similar to acts of service, but in neurodivergent terms, it simply means if someone’s low on spoons, or finds it particularly hard or overwhelming to do something, you help them out with it. This could mean something as simple as going across the road to get your neurodivergent friend a coffee because traffic lights and sounds overwhelm them, or writing an email for someone because they have a hard time figuring out their tone. In return, the neurodivergent person helps you out with something you find difficult and they don’t.  

Why neurodivergents need support swapping: A lot of things that come naturally to most neurotypicals are things that neurodivergents struggle with and vice versa. Having someone trusted who could help neurodivergents out with these tasks is really helpful. And in return, there’s lots of things neurodivergents are great at that they could help you out with too!  

How can you support swap with a neurodivergent person: Just ask how they would like to be supported, and do it within your means. In return, don’t be shy to tell them what you need help with either!

• Tight hugs aka ‘Please crush my soul back into my body’

Before we go on to explain this, remember that consent is the number one most important thing in all matters relating to physical touch. And while a lot of neurodivergent people despise physical touch, many equally love tight, bone-crushing hugs and deep pressure applied to their bodies. There’s just something about deep pressure that is just so relaxing.

When to give soul crushing hugs to a neurodivergent friend or a loved one: Only when they ask you to and indicate they’re comfortable and in the right headspace for it. Remember that even the best things given when they’re not expected don’t feel very nice.

How can you give a soul crushing hug:

• I found this cool button/ rock/ leaf and thought you’d love it

Again, similar to gift giving, but with a (quirky) neurodivergent spin! Because neurodivergents have deep special interests, their gifts - or things they find cool and interesting - might seem awkward to neurotypicals. So the next time you get a parcel with something totally unexpected, like an antique stamp from the 1940s, don’t freak out - it might just be your neurodivergent friend trying to show their affection for you!

Why this is a love language: Because, as stated above, a lot of neurodivergents have specific - sometimes niche - interests and passions. A lot of neurodivergents might also have social difficulties, so figuring out what someone else may like might be difficult.

And the safest option when giving gifts, sometimes, is simply to give someone you love, something you love! Though asking what one likes always helps. So, if you don’t like it, communicate honestly and kindly to them.

How can you gift something back to an ND: Great idea! Who doesn’t love gifts?!

But hang on... a lot of NDs aren't particularly kicked about receiving surprises. So if you’re thinking of gifting your ND loved one something you’re dead sure they’ll appreciate, you might want to go ahead and ask/ check with them anyway. Just to be on the safer side.

So now that you know, go on and tell us what your love languages are!